Advice For Second-Time Moms

After two years of being a second-time mom, I figured that I offer some advice for second-time moms that they may find helpful.

When I was pregnant with my second daughter, I had so many thoughts cross my mind.

Would I be able to handle two young children at once?

How is my older daughter going to react to her baby sister?

If you are either considering becoming a second-time mom or are currently pregnant with your second child, then you have likely had these same thoughts as well.

While I was pregnant with my younger daughter, I tried to prepare as best as I could.

I obviously wasn’t new to being a mom because I was already doing it.

However, being a mom to 2 little people was going to be new.

But much like when I became a mom for the first time, nothing could really prepare me for a second child until she got here.

After having my second daughter 2 years ago is when my life as a second-time mom really began.

• Read More: My Birth Story: Giving Birth To Our Second Baby

And honestly, it’s been a fun ride.

I cannot imagine my younger daughter not being here and I believe that we have settled in quite nicely as a family of 4.

Now that I have been living this second-time mom life for a while now, I want to share some advice for those considering a second child or who will be a second-time mom soon.

Here is some advice from a second-time mom on what it’s like having two kids.

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Should You Have A Second Child?

Before I dive into my advice for second-time moms, let’s talk about this.

Should you have a second child?

Because that is a serious question.

I know that once you have your first child, especially if you are in a stable relationship, then a question that gets asked often is “When is Baby #2 coming?”

Most of the time, this is a harmless question that people like to ask new moms.

But at the same time, it does make you wonder if you want a second child or not.

The thought that is often behind people asking if you are going to have a second kid or not is whether you are going to give your first child a sibling or not.

Coming from a family with a younger sister that I’m really close to, I know how important that sibling bond it is.

I’m so glad that my parents decided to not just stop at me because if they had, I wouldn’t have my sister.

And I can’t even begin to imagine what that would be like.

So given my background, that definitely had an impact on my decision to have another kid.

I knew that I wanted to have more than one child in order for them to also experience that kind of bond.

But just because I wanted another child doesn’t mean that everyone wants another.

Or needs another for that matter.

Children are full-time commitments.

And the more children you have, the more commitments you are making.

If you find that after having one child, you are extremely overwhelmed and struggling, then having a second child is only going to amplify that overwhelm.

Not to mention, more children require more support and if your support system is lacking, then another child is going to make it that much harder.

I know that there are moms out there who would genuinely love a second child, but their current situation would make that difficult.

There seems to be this unspoken pressure nowadays to have children really close in age, but if that doesn’t work for you then that’s ok.

The age gap between our girls is 2 years and 8 months and we absolutely love this age gap.

My older daughter was communicating pretty well, potty trained, and much more independent by the time her baby sister arrived.

Having a second child is ultimately a decision that you (and your partner) have to make.

Whether it is stopping at one, having another child shortly having your first, or even waiting for a period before having another.

That is completely up to you.

Now that you have an idea of whether to have a second child or not, let’s into some good advice for second-time moms.

Advice For Second-Time Moms

Embrace The Beautiful Chaos

My first piece of advice as a mom of 2 is that it will be beautifully chaotic.

Yeap.

I’m not going to sit here and say that parenting two kiddos is easy because it is not.

It can get very chaotic in our house.

But I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I love the dynamic between our girls.

When I was pregnant with my second daughter, we did our best to prepare my first daughter for her arrival and I think it paid off.

• Read More: Preparing My Toddler For A New Sibling

She was so excited when her baby sister got here and has been such a good big sister to her.

Even now that my second daughter has entered the toddler phase, their bond has only deepened because they can engage with one another through talking and pretend play.

So yes, it will be chaotic with 2 kids.

But you will learn to embrace the beautiful chaos.

Figure Out A Routine That Works For You

So part of what makes life with 2 kids chaotic is the lack of routine.

Those early months of adjusting to going from one kid to two are strictly just surviving.

• Read More: How It Has Been Going From One To Two Children

The last thing I had on my mind those first 3 months of having my second daughter was having a routine.

We simply went with the flow and eventually found our groove.

Once you get the hang of life with two kids, then you can begin to figure out a routine that works for you.

I posted our daily routine of what life looked like when my youngest was 6 months old and my oldest was 3 about a year and a half ago.

I will link that post below.

• Read More: My Daily Routine With A Baby And Toddler

That routine worked very well for us during that time.

Obviously, our routine looks much more different now with a 2-year-old and a 4-year-old, but with each phase, we adjust our routine.

Having a routine with one kid is important.

But having a routine with more than one kid is vital and needed to help reduce some of the chaos.

You Will Have Enough Love For Both Kids

A thought that passes through many moms’ minds who are pregnant with their second child is whether they can love a second child as much as their first.

And I’m here to tell you that you can.

The moment I laid eyes on my second daughter after delivering her, I literally felt my heart expand.

You know how they say in the movie, “The Grinch Who Stole Christmas”, that his heart grew?

That is how I would describe it.

My love for my girls doubled that day.

And I knew right then and there that I would have enough love for both of them.

There is this idea that you have to divide your love when you have more than one child.

But I personally feel like it only multiplies.

Find Ways To Spend One-On-One With Your Older Child

While on the topic of spreading love, there is one child who may not be feeling as loved at times

And that would be your older child who had to adjust from having all of your attention to having to share you.

• Read More: Helping My Toddler Adjust To A New Baby

I mentioned above that my older daughter was very excited when her little sister arrived.

But, even at 2 years old, she definitely caught on to the fact that I was spending a lot of time tending to and taking care of her younger sister.

This led to her acting out sometimes and doing things that would have shifted my attention to her.

I knew what she was doing so I had to figure out how to get some time with just her to make her feel seen because the majority of my time is spent caring for her baby sister.

Some of the activities that I would do to spend some quality alone time with my older daughter would be:

• Reading books
• Doing a craft
• Putting together a puzzle
• Watching a movie

Most of these activities I did with her are usually during my youngest naptime or after she has gone to bed for the evening

Another thing I would do sometimes is take just her with me to run an errand.

It’s just these little moments that we share alone that remind her that Mommy has enough love and attention for her too.

Create Shared Moments Between Your Kids

And my last piece of advice for a second-time mom is to create shared moments with your kids.

Just like it is important to have one on one time with your oldest.

It is also important that you are nurturing that sibling bond and creating shared moments between both kids.

This will be a little difficult when your second is an infant, but as they get older, you will have more opportunities to strengthen that bond.

Some of the obvious ways are to either to encourage them to play together.

Or take them places together where they are able to experience things together.

But a really good way to create a shared moment between kids is during bathtime.

Especially while they are young.

This is a tip that I picked up from New Modern Mom and it is something that I do with both of my girls.

They started bathing my girls together when my youngest was able to sit up pretty well around 6 months so they have been bathing together for a least and a half.

And they love it.

They actually prefer to bathe together because they like to play with each in the bathtub.

Another way we created shared moments between them was by them sharing a room.

• Read More: Room-Sharing Tips With A Baby And Toddler

Since we moved last year, they are not currently sharing a room because there are enough rooms for them to have their own.

But once we get my youngest to start sleeping fully and permanently in her bed, we will likely have them share again.

Especially if my oldest still wants to.

Your Turn

Well, that is my advice for second-time moms. I want to hear from you all now. What is some advice that you would give to expecting or new second-time moms? I would love to hear your tips in the comments. And while you are still here, check out my previous post below. Until next time!

• Read More: Starting A Blog As A Stay At Home Mom

Love,

Just Jass