more than mom
Parenting,  Personal Development

You Are More Than Just A Mom

April 19, 2020 / 33 Comments
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It took me a little while into motherhood to realize this, but I am more than just a mom.

Becoming a mom is a life-changing event in so many ways.

Your body goes through some drastic changes from stretching to accommodate a tiny human to birthing that tiny human.

Afterward, it shrinks back down and sometimes leaves behind those lovely stripes of motherhood.

Your body not only changes, but you get a new title as well. Mom.

One of the best titles in the world to have besides your name.

You stare down into those little eyes as they stare back at you and this tiny human knows that you are their mom.

It’s absolutely amazing when you think about it.

They just know and then next thing you know, they are saying “Momma.” I was filled with so much joy when my toddler started talking and said, momma.

I was even more thrilled when she began to make the association that I was her momma as she was saying it.

With the joy of being a mom, I had a realization that being a “mom” had become all I was.

I had forgotten that before my daughter was born, I was pursuing my master’s degree in family therapy. I was looking into becoming a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. (Still aspire to be one)

Having a baby changes things. We all know this to be true.

But there are other areas in our life that we can’t neglect all because we had a baby.

I was a whole person before my daughter got here. I had aspirations, friends, a fiancé, and family and we can have it all while being a great mother.

Here is how you can be more than just a mom.

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More than just a mom

Who Am I Besides A Mother?

The fact that this question is even being asked means that we truly entered a motherhood identity crisis.

And boy is that identity crisis a real one.

I believe the reason that we lose our identity in motherhood is because of how sudden and overwhelming this new role is.

You know when you get a new job that turns out to be really demanding and you realize that it is not worth your time, so you just quit?

Well, you can’t “quit” being a mom, no matter how demanding it is.

And we all know how demanding it can be whether you are up all night breastfeeding a newborn or trying to get your toddler to sleep at night.

I say it multiple times on the blog but mom-life is something you don’t get to clock out of, so many of us just get stuck being just a mom.

This is especially true for stay-at-home moms.

Stay-at-home mom depression is something that is becoming more common these days because some of these women really are stuck in mom mode and have nothing else going on.

And as a stay-at-home mom myself, I know exactly what that feels like.

Addressing the lack of identity is the first step you have to take toward being more than just a mom.

Now let’s dive into how we can be more than just a mom.

How To Be More Than Just A Mom

Do Something For Yourself

You spend months before the baby got here preparing their nursery and getting things off your registry that you thought they might need.

Then when they do get here, you still find yourself getting things for the baby.

You see an outfit that you think would look cute on them. You get it. See an outfit that might look cute on you. You pass it up.

Does that sound familiar to anyone else?

Well, that was me. It was as if I told myself that my daughter needs to look cute, but I can just look ok.

We are all learning how to love our postpartum bodies and we deserve to feel and look good in them by looking more put together.

(Can I get an Amen!)

Do something for yourself that has nothing to do with the baby.

Here are some of the things you can do for yourself:

  • Go to the hair/nail salon
  • Engage in some retail therapy (For YOU)
  • Take that long hot bubble bath
  • Read a fiction book
  • Get a massage
  • Craft
  • Journal

This can look different from one person to the next.

Some people may not want to do anything and just want to take an uninterrupted nap.

Whatever feels good for you is the focus. That is the whole point of self-care and this is the first step in taking reclaiming ourselves outside of motherhood.

Spend Time With Adults

If you are only around your child all day long, it will be hard to shift from being a mom.

And if you are a stay-at-home mom, this will be even harder to do, but this is necessary though.

If you are uncomfortable leaving your child behind, go to family-friendly places that will have adults and other kids present.

My number one suggestion is the local public library.

Most libraries offer storytimes for all ages (even infants!) This is a win-win for both you and your child.

Your child builds social interaction and literary skills and you get adult interaction with other moms going through some of the same things you could be going through.

I know with the current pandemic, it has been harder and harder to get out and meet up with moms so social media has been huge for me.

In particular, Facebook groups.

There are so many great support groups that cater to whatever your needs are and you should take full advantage of them.

Another adult that you should turn to and spend time with is your spouse, so make sure that you also are making time for your spouse.

It is easy to neglect your partner when you have a baby because it was just the two of you before the baby arrived.

Your foundation will set the tone for your family. Make sure you are nurturing it.

Lean into your family and friends. Your parents are “still” parents and most would love the opportunity to be around their grandchildren.

Invite friends over so you all can hang out and if they have kids as well, make it a playdate.

If all else fails, technology allows us the ability to facetime people when we can’t see them.

Follow YOUR Passion

I emphasize YOUR because it needs to be something that YOU are passionate about.

What lights your soul on fire when you are doing it?

Being a mom is great. I enjoy being a mother to my daughter. I can’t envision what life would look like without her.

But, if I am honest with myself, there is a part of me that remains unfulfilled as just a mom.

I know that I am meant to be doing things outside of just being a mom and it was understandable in the early newborn stages to focus on being a mom.

But after that newborn fog has lifted, you might find yourself kind of stuck in constantly taking care of the baby.

Old hobbies begin to fade and bad habits such as scrolling on social media for hours when the baby is asleep may start to set in.

I could be just talking about myself, but that is exactly what I found myself doing at times.

I am a creative person. Always have been. My creativity manifests itself through the use of my hands.

I enjoyed reading and writing when I was little, so I knew that I had to get back to that.

I love what Caitlin from The Mama Notes says and she said “It’s about keeping your pre-mom identity, doing those things that fill you up in ways that being a mom may not. Trust me, in the end, you’ll be a better mom for it!”

So I encourage you to get back to what you love.

It is still waiting for you.

And blogging has become something that I love to do.

If blogging sounds like something you want to pursue, you can use my link here with Bluehost to get started building and creating your blog today for as little as $3.95 a month. 

My blog has presented opportunities such as:

  • Collaborating with some awesome brands
  • Getting paid to write
  • Building a small community of individuals who are focused on feeling good in order to thrive in mom-life.
.

Your Turn

As some of you may know, I struggled with postpartum depression throughout the latter part of my daughter’s first year. I was feeling trapped and unlike myself.

If you are in the same position, I want you to know that it will start to get better. And for my fellow stay-at-home moms, I hope you found some encouragement within this post to carry on.

Once you realize that you still exist underneath the title of mom, things will start to look up. I want to hear how you are more than just a “mom” in the comments below and while you are still here, check out my previous blog post below. Until next time!

Love,

Just Jass

More than just a mom
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Hi! I'm Jasmyn or "Jas" as everyone likes to call me! I'm a stay-at-home girl momma to 2 beautiful little girls and married to my wonderful husband whom I have been with for 10 years! I'm a book and tea lover and when I'm not working on my blog, you can find me sharing bits and pieces of our lives on Instagram or me strolling down the aisles of Target and DSW! I'm the mama blogger behind the blog, Just Jass, where I offer parenting advice, productivity tips, and positive mental health habits from my perspective as mama of 2. Why don't you join me and my Jassy Fam as we navigate this thing called "mom-life" together!

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33 Comments

  • Natalie Barletta

    April 21, 2020 at 9:02 am Reply

    I am not a mother, yet I teared up when I was reading this post. I lost my mom last year, and she was a dedicated mom who didn’t sadly take time for herself. I am a puppy mom, and I needed to read this to remind myself that I can put my needs first (while making sure that she’s safe) to put me first.

    • Jasmyn Wilkins

      April 21, 2020 at 10:22 am Reply

      My heart goes out to you on the passing of your mother. I can’t imagine what that was like for you. My mom was also truly dedicated to making sure our needs were met as well while working a full-time job. Moms are awesome! Mom or not, it is always important to remain true to ourselves and not get swallowed up in the different roles that we may occupy. Glad you enjoyed this post!

    • RaLea

      June 20, 2021 at 8:13 am Reply

      Such good advice! I struggled with this too. I’ve started two businesses from home in order to feel like more haha. Thank you for sharing.

  • Manju SM

    April 23, 2020 at 11:19 am Reply

    I can so well resonate to this. I was that kind of mother who had given up everything else in life other thank looking after my kids and I had no qualms about it too. But, all until stress got the better of me. I realised that it was the perfecet receipe for disaster. Fortunaltely, I have changed a lot. It’s been about four years now since I realized and took conscious efforts to change myself. It was my passion that revived me. Ever since that, I have always been telling fellow moms not to quit on their passion.

  • Manju SM

    April 23, 2020 at 11:24 am Reply

    I was that kind of mom who neglected herself completely. Passion is what revived me . since then, I have always told fellow moms to not quit on tehir passions.

    • Jasmyn Wilkins

      April 23, 2020 at 11:43 am Reply

      I was in the same boat and my passion began to revive me as well! Let us both continue to tell other mommas that they don’t have to quit on their dreams once they are moms. You CAN do both! Glad you enjoyed this post!

  • Manju SM

    April 23, 2020 at 11:24 am Reply

    I was that kind of mom who neglected herself completely. Passion is what revived me . since then, I have always told fellow moms to not quit on tehir passions.

  • Sarah Styf

    August 10, 2020 at 3:44 pm Reply

    I think that is a mistake my mom’s generation made. You were either a SAHM and gave everything to your kids or you worked and had no idea how to balance the time with your kids. My mom was the former. She stopped being her because her identity was in us. I’ve worked hard to make sure that my kids know they are important to me, but I’m still me.

    • Jasmyn Wilkins

      August 10, 2020 at 5:15 pm Reply

      I think you are onto something with the previous generation because even though my mom worked, I can only imagine the balance she had to maintain between working and then coming home to care for us. There was barely any time left in the day for her to just have time to herself. This is very true. Glad that yo enjoyed this post!

  • Emma

    September 21, 2020 at 1:11 pm Reply

    Those early years are so hard…the times I just wanted to drink a cup of coffee…I’d lose it and find it in the microwave…cold again! But when then they look at you and your heart just melts and it’s worth all the cold coffee. And now my youngest is 11, we’ve just taught him how to make coffee and I annoyingly wake him everyday now! So its come full circle ?

    • Jasmyn Wilkins

      September 21, 2020 at 1:26 pm Reply

      Man, it is rough at this stage in toddlerhood, but it has constantly had me laughing because my daughter is hilarious! Even though some days are tough, I got a feeling I will miss these moments when she is older so I’m trying to embrace it while it lasts!

  • Widny Lherisson

    September 21, 2020 at 6:51 pm Reply

    Jasmyn!

    This post is beautifully written and true. I am not a mommy yet; however, I do desire to be one someday. Many of my girlfriends are mothers to newborns, and one thing is sure, a lot does change once you’re in that season of motherhood. It’s vital for mothers- women, in general, to remember that they have a purpose and there’s always more on the inside of them to be birthed.

    Thank you for sharing this. Very inspiring!

    xoxo,
    Widster

    • Jasmyn Wilkins

      September 21, 2020 at 8:33 pm Reply

      There absolutely is! When you become a mom, it is super easy to get caught up in just being a mom because you devote so much attention to your child! But as we all have to learn, we are more than just mom! I’m so glad that you enjoyed this post!

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