What To Expect As A Black Stay At Home Mom

If you all have been following me on the blog and read about me, then you know that I am a black stay-at-home mom.

I didn’t plan on being a stay-at-home mom, but it just kind of happened.

Shortly after, I became a mom in my mid-twenties while finishing up my degree, my husband and I decided that I would stay home with our daughter.

With the way daycare prices are set up, we figured out that it would be cheaper for me to stay home.

So I did.

But I was not prepared for what being home with a baby would look like.

I did not realize how bad it would affect me mentally between dealing with postpartum depression and not feeling fulfilled with being a mom.

During this time of my life, I found myself trying to lean in my village, but realized no one in my village had ever been a stay-at-home mom.

My mom had worked outside of the home pretty much my entire childhood and so did her mom.

In fact, I was actually looked at as the strange one in my family because all of the women in my family worked.

My family was not being malicious about it, it just was not common.

And the longer I was a stay-at-home mom, the more I realized that black women being stay-at-home moms just wasn’t a common thing in general.

I have been a stay-at-home mom ever since my first daughter was born a little over 3 years ago so I have learned a lot as a black stay-at-home mom.

Here is what to expect as a black stay-at-home mom.

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Why Aren’t There More Black Stay At Home Moms?

Before I get into how it has been being a black stay-at-home mom, let’s talk about this.

Why aren’t there more black stay-at-home moms?

According to research from the Economic Policy Institute, African American women are less likely than white or Hispanic moms to be non-earners.

In fact, the research goes on to say that more than two-thirds of all African American working mothers are single moms, making them the primary, economic providers for their families.

So being a single mother does not always give black moms the option of staying home.

If you are the primary caretaker, you have to work in order to provide for your children.

But being a single mom is not the only reason that there are fewer black stay-at-home moms.

What about the married black stay-at-home moms?

It is often assumed that if you are a stay-at-home mom, then your husband must be making a lot of money for you to be able to stay home to take care of the children.

Which is just not true.

For instance, my husband isn’t rich, so in order for me to stay home, we adjusted our lifestyle to fit into one that works for his income.

This is a scenario that many black households face and many women will continue to work even if given the option.

So money is not always the reason that black women choose to not stay home.

This brings us back to the questions posed at the beginning, which is why are fewer black women becoming stay-at-home moms?

If I had to take a crack at it, I would say it is because we are used to working.

As kids, many of our parents raised us to work hard for everything we got and that if we weren’t working, we were being lazy.

Many of us carry this mentality into adulthood and parenthood, so being a parent that stays home comes off as being “lazy.”

That is exactly how I felt when I first became a stay-at-home mom.

I diminished my worth because I felt like all I had become was a mom and started feeling depressed as a stay-at-home mom.

As time went on, I became more aware of my value and realized that my role as a stay-at-home mom with my family is really important and that what I was doing was work.

And I began to thrive as a stay-at-home mom.

So even though it doesn’t seem like it, black stay-at-home moms exist and you are looking at one of them.

With that being said, let me get what you can expect as a black stay-at-home mom.

What To Expect As A Black Stay At Home Mom

So there are several things that I noticed as a black stay-at-home mom and I want to share what to expect and what to get used to being asked and assumed of you.

Get Used To Feeling Lonely Sometimes

So the very first thing I noticed as a black stay-at-home was how lonely it was.

No one really knows how lonely being a stay-at-home mom is until they experience it for themselves.

You are literally at home pretty much every day with just your kids.

With hardly any adult interaction.

My husband works long hours 5 days a week so he is pretty much here just in the evenings for dinner, bath, bedtime, and the weekends.

So the girls are pretty much with me alone the majority of the time.

Unless I make an effort to get my kids out and meet up with other moms during the week, I would barely get any adult interaction outside of the little time we have with my husband.

Having adult interaction and giving your kids a chance to build social skills is important so try to get out if you can.

Get Used To Being One Of Few

When you do go out to meet up with other moms, you will likely be the only black stay-at-home mom present at playgroups or events.

If you have been following along on the blog, then you know that I like to take my toddler to fun places such as the library for storytime.

And I’m usually the only black mom there.

As I was saying above, there are fewer black stay-at-home moms in general, so the chance of running into another one is slim.

It’s not impossible, because I have run into another here and there, but not as often I would like.

At this point, I have gotten used to being one of the few and still make it a point to still get out and meet with other moms even if they don’t look like me.

Get Used To A Being Asked About Your Money

Something I can’t stand but has been asked several times about is what I’m going to do about money.

I understand the concern that people have because as a stay-at-home mom, I don’t really bring in any income that contributes to the household.

My husband’s income takes care of our household and we are just fine on his income.

No, we are not rich or loaded as people often assume, but we get by just fine.

But just because I am a stay-at-home mom doesn’t mean that I can’t still find ways to make money from home.

That is a post for another day, but just know that whether it is your family or close friends, you will probably be asked about money at some point during your SAHM journey.

Get Used To Being Asked About What If Your Husband Leaves

Along with people wondering about the money, the next thing people want to know is what if the provider of the household, my husband, decides to leaves or divorce me.

First of all, no one should be hoping for the worst.

I have faith in my marriage and in my husband and we hope that we will enjoy many years of marriage together.

But if that were to happen, I have my degree to fall back on.

Just because I am home, does not mean that I can’t use this time to better myself and learn new skills that I can use out in the work world when I step back out into it.

I don’t plan on being a stay-at-home mom forever so why not hone my skills and come out better than when I first became a stay-at-home mom.

Being home is a blessing in disguise that can be used to your advantage if you utilize this time wisely.

Get Used To Reaching Out For Help

And the last thing you should get used to is reaching out for help as a black stay-at-home mom.

Because we as black women have gotten used to being so strong and taking on everything handed to us.

Our strength comes off as not needing help, but that is the farthest from the truth.

We need just as much help as any other stay-at-home moms do, but we have to be willing to ask.

We need to stop bottling up the emotions that we are feeling and reach out for help more often.

It might feel uncomfortable at first, but it is necessary in order to be a better parent for our children.

Find someone that you can talk to about what you are going through whether it is through a Facebook support group or even a seeing therapist.

Just because you are alone with the kids the majority of the day, doesn’t mean you have to continue to be alone and feeling miserable.

Make sure you are getting the proper help to take care of yourself because you deserve it.

Your Turn

Well, that is mostly what you can expect as a black stay-at-home mom. I’m sure there are more assumptions and beliefs out there, but these are what I mostly deal with from my experience. I want to hear from you all now. What has your experience been like as a black stay-at-home mom? Let me know in the comments and while you are still here, check out my previous post below. Until next time!

• Read More: Black Children’s Books For Black Toddlers and Preschoolers

Love,

Just Jass