My Truth About Postpartum Depression As A First-Time Mom

Experiencing postpartum depression as a first-time mom is a very real and common thing.

But why does postpartum depression even begin to occur to begin?

Ever notice that when you are pregnant, you will find a ton of resources online related to pregnancy?

Everything from month-to-month progression to even healthy meals to eat when you are pregnant.

There are even a number of resources available after you have the baby to help guide you through those newborn months.

However, when it comes to those “baby blues” that you are still experiencing 6, 7, or even 8 months later, you realize that the resources start to become slimmer.

I mean think about it.

Our babies go to the doctor so many times within those first few months and moms only get one postpartum check-up to make sure they are healing correctly.

But nothing for how you doing mentally.

And after having a baby for the first time, you need a mental check-in because your body has not only gone through some physical changes but some emotional ones as well.

Postpartum depression is often mistaken for baby blues at first and most moms do experience this because of the new responsibilities of caring for a newborn.

Which is what I kept telling myself when I was feeling down at first.

But then I was still feeling that way not only after 6 months.

Not even 9 months.

But even a year postpartum, I was still experiencing these postpartum blues that I kept telling myself.

It took me that long to realize that I was experiencing more than just the blues.

This was postpartum depression.

The signs and symptoms of postpartum depression are usually clearly there if you allow yourself to see them, but we have to first admit that we are suffering.

For anyone who may be suffering from postpartum depression, I’m here to tell that you there is a light at the end of that dark tunnel because I have seen it.

And I managed to make it out of that tunnel.

This is my truth about postpartum depression as a first-time mom.

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How To Know If You Have Postpartum Depression As A First-Time Mom

So I asked above about why postpartum depression even occurs and I found that a number of factors can contribute to a mom having postpartum depression.

The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists says these factors can include:

• Changes in hormonal levels that can contribute to mood swings
• History of depression (whether before or during pregnancy)
• Emotional factors such as the pregnancy being unplanned or if your baby is sick or had to be in NICU
• Fatigue from adjusting to a new baby
• Lifestyle factors such as lack of support, death of a loved one, or moving to a new city

As you can see, there are a lot of reasons why women develop postpartum depression.

You don’t have to have a history of depression to succumb to postpartum depression.

Because that is what most women believe.

Some women believe that because they have never received a depression diagnosis that they can’t have depression which we all know just isn’t true.

In order to identify postpartum depression, you need to know the signs and what to look for.

The Illinois Department of Public Health identifies the following symptoms of postpartum depression:

• Anger or irritability
• Sadness and crying spells
• Worthlessness
• Fear of hurting the baby or yourself
• Little or no energy
• No interest in things that you like to do

And there are even more that they identified, but these are the signs that I see the most and what I had noticed within myself.

So I will ask it here.

Do you have postpartum depression?

Now that we know what some of the signs of postpartum depression are, let’s get into my experience with postpartum depression as a first-time mom.

My Experience With Postpartum Depression As A First-Time Mom

With all that being said, now I want to discuss my experience with postpartum depression.

There were 3 things that stood out to me during my experience and that is what I will be discussing.

I Was Angry All The Time

When I became a first-time mom, I was suffering from postpartum insomnia and going insane from the constant cycle of eating, pooping, and sleeping.

I was having meltdown after meltdown and found myself randomly bursting out into tears.

And sometimes, that was the release my body needed to balance back out.

I have always advocated for crying because keeping it all bottled up inside isn’t doing anything for anybody.

• Read More: Healthy Ways To Release Your Bottled-Up Emotions

But I’m not just talking about sad tears here.

I’m talking about those angry tears and just being downright irritable.

I was not aware of how angry you could potentially be after having a baby, but boy was I wrong.

It was like I was literally angry all of the time.

I was angry that she wouldn’t stop crying and I couldn’t console her.

Angry at my partner for having to go to work and leaving me alone with the baby.

Angry that I was her primary feeding source.

I was even angry at myself for just being angry all the time.

They call it postpartum depression because of the sadness, but there is such a thing as postpartum anger.

I Didn’t Feel Like “Me” Anymore

I thought the identity crisis I experienced as a teenager was something.

And then I became a mom.

Talk about an identity crisis on steroids.

When I got pregnant, I knew that I was your becoming mom, but I don’t get the full experience until my baby girl got here.

Once she got here, I dove right into mom mode and didn’t look back and that’s where the problems began.

You can’t “turn off” being a mom.

It was as if I got stuck within just one role of myself and I couldn’t remember what I like to do and what life, before the baby got here, felt like.

I began to wonder if this is how my life is going to look like from now on and I was not happy about that at all.

If I had to describe the way I felt to someone else, you may come up with no words, and that’s because I felt nothing.

You Live For the Day to End

Every day that I woke up, it was the same routine over and over again.

I got so stuck in that cycle that I forget to enjoy the day.

Going through the motions became the norm.

I was pretty much just waiting for the next time she went down for a nap because at least then I knew I would have a moment to myself.

That might have sounded harsh, but it was the honest truth deep down.

Days blurred together and instead of enjoying my new bundle of joy, I began to wonder who even came up with that phrase.

Some moms even experience such hopelessness that results in them no longer wanting to be here.

If you are also at this point, it is time to admit that you are not fine and to reach out to someone for relief.

• Read More: Stop Staying You’re Fine When You Are Not

It does not make you a bad mom for getting help nor should you feel guilty for getting the help that you need.

• Read More: It’s Time To Ditch The Mom Guilt For Good

We all need it sometimes.

In fact, it makes you a better mom because it’s putting you in a better position to take care of your little one which leads us to the next section.

Recovering From Postpartum Depression As A First-Time Mom

Now that we have discussed how to know if you have postpartum depression and what my experience has been with it, let’s get into how we can begin to recover from it.

I said above that you need to reach out to someone for help and even a friend is great to have during this time, a professional is even better.

Therapy is something that everyone can find useful and it is definitely something someone with postpartum depression should consider.

• Read More: Reasons Why Everyone Should Go To Therapy

And self-care is important for everyone but it’s really important for a first-time mom experiencing postpartum depression.

Jenna Carberg from Postpartum Depression also suggests these tips in the postpartum depression recovery process:

• Don’t compare yourself to others
• Forget perfection
• Includes your family and friends
• Adjust your treatment as needed
• Don’t rely on medication alone

These are all great tips, especially involving your family and friends.

Having my husband’s support while experiencing postpartum depression has been extremely helpful because it has made me feel that much less alone.

As far as how long does it take to recover from postpartum depression, it can vary from person to person.

I know some don’t want to hear but it’s true.

We are all different and handle situations differently in the way that will suit us.

For myself, I would say that I started feeling better and more confident in myself around when my daughter turned 18 months.

I felt that like I had a better handle on our days and was able to start thinking more positively.

• Read More: Take Back Control With Positive Self Talk

Your Turn

I know that after reading this and realizing that you are likely experiencing postpartum depression as a first-time mom is hard. It was hard for me to admit it to myself as well. But if you were like me, then a part of you knew that this was what you were feeling when you started googling your symptoms. There is no judgment here and if you are open to talking about your experience, then I would love to hear your experience with postpartum depression in the comments. And while you are still here, check out my previous post below. Until next time!

• Read More: Stop Saying You’re Fine When You Are Not

Love,

Just Jass