Quit Saying I'm Fine
Mental Health,  Positive Habits

Stop Saying You’re Fine When You Are Not

March 24, 2020 / 30 Comments
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It’s time to stop saying you’re fine when you are not.

You may be experiencing one of the worst weeks, but when asked “How are you?”, you reply by saying something along the lines of “I’m fine” or “I’m ok”.

Yet fine is the complete opposite of how you feel, yet the words just came tumbling out your mouth before you could say how you were actually feeling.

You are not physically sick or injured so it’s not that.

There is a roof over your head and enough food to feed your family, so it can’t be that either.

You even have a loving support system and people who will show up for you when you need them to, so that rules that out as well.

Yet, something just doesn’t feel right.

You can’t put your finger on it, but you just know that you are not fine.

You feel stuck in a rut and are unable to find your way out of it and the reason I know this is because I’m guilty of telling individuals that I’m fine when I’m not.

And I hate to admit this, but I’m kind of good at it

As a new mom, it was much easier to say that I’m fine than to admit that I was struggling with postpartum depression.

Well, I’m here to tell you that it’s ok to not be ok, and here is how to stop saying you’re fine when you are not.

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Stop saying you're fine

Why Do We Say We Are Fine When We Are Not?

This is a legit question that needs answers.

Why do we say we are fine when we are not?

Why do we do this?

Saying that I’m fine or ok is literally the way that most of us will answer when asked How are you doing.

And the sad part is that lot of people will just say that and not really mean it, so it brings up the question from above again.

Why do we say we are fine when we are not?

Jennifer Delgado from Psychology Spot says that many of us say this because it has become a social rule that we learned from childhood.

She goes on to say that we all want our social interactions to be as fluid as possible.

We don’t want to become that “difficult person” or add a burden to others with our worries and problems, so we prefer to hide that we are not well and maintain conversation within conventional channels.

Which sounds about right for me and I’m sure for many of you out there.

By pretending that you are ok when you are not is not only fake but also shows that you are scared.

What are you scared of?

That is for you to decide.

Facing your fears and allowing yourself to be vulnerable is the only way to break free from those limiting beliefs that are holding you back.

And the way to do just that is by admitting when you are not fine.

How To Stop Saying You’re Fine When You Are Not

Start with talking to just ONE person.

Like I said above, in order to stop saying you’re fine when you are not, you have to start communicating that you are not fine.

No more pretending that you are fine when you are not.

Now just to be clear, if a stranger who you are walking past on the sidewalk is asking you how you are doing, I would not suggest that you tell them your entire life story.

I enjoy being an ear for those that need it, but not everyone is built like me.

I’m talking about the people that you interact with on a regular basis, whether that’s your mom, dad, husband, wife, sibling, best friend, etc.

The people to whom you are the closest to and they genuinely want what is best for you.

They are the people who if you tell them that you are not doing fine will jump to action to gain an understanding of what is wrong.

Now we can discuss the way they respond another day.

What’s important to remember is that within that response, they care.

The idea of telling someone that you are not ok can feel very overwhelming.

If you can muster up the strength to tell someone, start with just one person and see how that feels.

One of the emotions that you should feel is relief.

Like a breath of fresh air.

If you don’t feel some level of relief, then I hate to break it to you. You told the wrong person.

It’s nothing against that person because they may be awesome in other instances of your life.

However, when it comes down to being vulnerable and needing to share what’s been on your heart, you need an ear, not a finger pointer.

That person can be a counselor.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with going to therapy to sort out some of the feelings that you have been having.

Let me repeat that.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with going to therapy.

You do not need to be on the brink of being suicidal to go to therapy.

In fact, most therapists would consider that to be too late and way too close for comfort.

Maybe you just don’t feel comfortable talking to those who you are close to out of embarrassment or any other barrier.

Talking to a stranger whose job is to be an ear will work just as well.

Their entire job is designed to make you feel comfortable and allow you to stop saying you’re fine when you clearly are not.

These individuals should be trained in how to remain unbiased and get you to a place where you feel the most comfortable.

Journaling can also be a form of therapy

If you were to go to a therapist whose approach is to assign you homework outside of sessions, one of the things that they might ask you do to is keep a journal of your thoughts.

You don’t always need a therapist to assign this task to you because it is simple to do on your own without having to actually speak to someone.

I highly recommend keeping a journal, some sort of book, or a device to log how you are doing that day.

There are plenty of journals that have journal prompts to get you to start writing.

The one that comes to mind is the Zen As F*K journal by Monica Sweeney.

BUY HERE

If you are not bothered by profanity, you will love those journals.

I also like to utilize my laptop and the Notes app on my phone to keep up with my emotions daily.

Your daily log should not just consist of bad days.

Write about the good ones too.

By documenting numerous emotions, you will have proof that not every day is a bad day.

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Your Turn

When it all comes down to it, what to do when you are ok is admit that you are not ok.

Admit it in some shape or form through the points mentioned above.

There is so much strength in acknowledging your real emotions rather than hiding behind the fake ones.

It’s ok to not be ok.

Just like when someone has lied so many times that they begin to forget the lies that they come up with.

The truth always winds up coming out.

It’s the same way with emotions.

You can only fake them and bottle them up for so long before the true feelings surface.

But now, I want to hear from you all.

Are you also guilty of this behavior?

Let me know how you all plan to stop saying you’re fine in the comments.

The more discussion around this topic, the more normal it feels to have these feelings.

And while you are still here, check out my previous post below.

Until next time!

Love,

Just Jass

Stop saying you're fine
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Hi! I'm Jasmyn or "Jas" as everyone likes to call me! I'm a stay-at-home girl momma to 2 beautiful little girls and married to my wonderful husband whom I have been with for 10 years! I'm a book and tea lover and when I'm not working on my blog, you can find me sharing bits and pieces of our lives on Instagram or me strolling down the aisles of Target and DSW! I'm the mama blogger behind the blog, Just Jass, where I offer parenting advice, productivity tips, and positive mental health habits from my perspective as mama of 2. Why don't you join me and my Jassy Fam as we navigate this thing called "mom-life" together!

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