Stop Saying You’re Fine When You Are Not
It’s time to stop saying you’re fine when you are not.
You may be experiencing one of the worst weeks, but when asked “How are you?”, you reply by saying something along the lines of “I’m fine” or “I’m ok”.
Yet fine is the complete opposite of how you feel, yet the words just came tumbling out your mouth before you could say how you were actually feeling.
You are not physically sick or injured so it’s not that.
There is a roof over your head and enough food to feed your family, so it can’t be that either.
You even have a loving support system and people who will show up for you when you need them to, so that rules that out as well.
Yet, something just doesn’t feel right.
You can’t put your finger on it, but you just know that you are not fine.
You feel stuck in a rut and are unable to find your way out of it and the reason I know this is because I’m guilty of telling individuals that I’m fine when I’m not.
- Read More: How To Get Yourself Out Of A Funk
And I hate to admit this, but I’m kind of good at it
As a new mom, it was much easier to say that I’m fine than to admit that I was struggling with postpartum depression.
Well, I’m here to tell you that it’s ok to not be ok, and here is how to stop saying you’re fine when you are not.
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Why Do We Say We Are Fine When We Are Not?
This is a legit question that needs answers.
Why do we say we are fine when we are not?
Why do we do this?
Saying that I’m fine or ok is literally the way that most of us will answer when asked How are you doing.
And the sad part is that lot of people will just say that and not really mean it, so it brings up the question from above again.
Why do we say we are fine when we are not?
She goes on to say that we all want our social interactions to be as fluid as possible.
We don’t want to become that “difficult person” or add a burden to others with our worries and problems, so we prefer to hide that we are not well and maintain conversation within conventional channels.
Which sounds about right for me and I’m sure for many of you out there.
By pretending that you are ok when you are not is not only fake but also shows that you are scared.
What are you scared of?
That is for you to decide.
Facing your fears and allowing yourself to be vulnerable is the only way to break free from those limiting beliefs that are holding you back.
- Read More: Confronting Your Fears As An Introvert
And the way to do just that is by admitting when you are not fine.
How To Stop Saying You’re Fine When You Are Not
Start with talking to just ONE person.
Like I said above, in order to stop saying you’re fine when you are not, you have to start communicating that you are not fine.
No more pretending that you are fine when you are not.
Now just to be clear, if a stranger who you are walking past on the sidewalk is asking you how you are doing, I would not suggest that you tell them your entire life story.
I enjoy being an ear for those that need it, but not everyone is built like me.
I’m talking about the people that you interact with on a regular basis, whether that’s your mom, dad, husband, wife, sibling, best friend, etc.
The people to whom you are the closest to and they genuinely want what is best for you.
They are the people who if you tell them that you are not doing fine will jump to action to gain an understanding of what is wrong.
Now we can discuss the way they respond
What’s important to remember is that within that response, they care.
The idea of telling someone that you are not ok can feel very overwhelming.
If you can muster up the strength to tell someone, start with just one person and see how that feels.
One of the emotions that you should feel is
Like a breath of fresh air.
If you don’t feel some level of relief, then I hate to break it to you. You told the wrong person.
It’s nothing against that person because they may be awesome in other instances of your life.
However, when it comes down to being vulnerable and needing to share what’s been on your heart, you need an ear, not a finger pointer.
That person can be a counselor.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with going to therapy to sort out some of the feelings that you have been having.
Let me repeat that.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with going to therapy.
- Read More: Reasons Why Everyone Should Go To Therapy
You do not need to be on the brink of being suicidal to go to therapy.
In fact, most therapists would consider that to be too late and way too close for comfort.
Maybe you just don’t feel comfortable talking to those who you are close to out of embarrassment or any other barrier.
Talking to a stranger whose job is to be an ear will work just as well.
Their entire job is designed to make you feel comfortable and allow you to stop saying you’re fine when you clearly are not.
These individuals should be trained in how to remain unbiased and get you to a place where you feel the most comfortable.
Journaling can also be a form of therapy
If you were to go to a therapist whose approach is to assign you homework outside of sessions, one of the things that they might ask you do to is keep a journal of your thoughts.
You don’t always need a therapist to assign this task to you because it is simple to do on your own without having to actually speak to someone.
I highly recommend keeping a journal, some sort of book, or a device to log how you are doing that day.
There are plenty of journals that have journal prompts to get you to start writing.
The one that comes to mind is the Zen As F*K journal by Monica Sweeney.
If you are not bothered by profanity, you will love those journals.
I also like to utilize my laptop and the Notes app on my phone to keep up with my emotions daily.
Your daily log should not just consist of bad days.
Write about the good ones too.
By documenting numerous emotions, you will have proof that not every day is a bad day.
Your Turn
When it all comes down to it, what to do when you are ok is admit that you are not ok.
Admit it in some shape or form through the points mentioned above.
There is so much strength in acknowledging your real emotions rather than hiding behind the fake ones.
It’s ok to not be ok.
Just like when someone has lied so many times that they begin to forget the lies that they come up with.
The truth always winds up coming out.
It’s the same way with emotions.
You can only fake them and bottle them up for so long before the true feelings surface.
But now, I want to hear from you all.
Are you also guilty of this behavior?
Let me know how you all plan to stop saying you’re fine in the comments.
The more discussion around this topic, the more normal it feels to have these feelings.
And while you are still here, check out my previous post below.
Until next time!
Love,
Just Jass
30 Comments
Neecee b
Great content. Would you be open to me sharing your blog on my website? Neeceeblog.com
Jasmyn Wilkins
Yes absolutely! You are welcome to share my blog on your site!
Shraddha
Wonderfull article. Thank you very much, hits close to home. Sharing this.
Jasmyn Wilkins
You are very welcome and thank you for sharing!
Rebekah Charles
Great post and very timely especially during these unprecedented times. Thank you for sharing.
Jasmyn Wilkins
Thank you so much! I’m glad that you enjoyed this post!
Sweet C
I try so hard not to say “I’m fine.” to those that I know care about me. They get the truth.
Other people like at work when I have to make small talk with customers/coworkers. That’s different. Those people get the “I’m/fine/I’m okay/I’m not fine, but I will be.” answers.
Jasmyn Wilkins
This is very true! I only talk to the people who I feel closest too because they can usually provide the response I need. I’m glad that you enjoyed this post!
Tashina
This has such great suggestions! I’m terrible at saying I’m fine. I’m excited to try some of these.
Jasmyn Wilkins
Thank you so much and I’m so glad that you enjoyed these suggestions!
Rachel
Thanks for sharing this! I do not know how many times I answer yes Im great! Or I am fine, when I am really not
Jasmyn Wilkins
You are very welcome and I’m so glad that you enjoyed this post!
Aiden
Thanks for sharing this! It is easier to say “I’m fine” than the truth, sometimes. This article hits close to home. Really well written too!
Jasmyn Wilkins
Thank you so much! I’m so glad that you enjoyed this post!
Christina
Thanks, I needed to hear these words today! I appreciate you, your vulnerability, and your writing.
Jasmyn Wilkins
You are very welcome! Glad that you enjoyed this post!
Mom With No Plan
As a first time mom I needed to hear this. Thank you for reminding me that it’s ok to not be ok.
Jasmyn Heard
You are very welcome and check out my other first-time mom content if you are needing more inspo! Glad that you enjoyed this post!
Kate Maddox
Ohhh such a good topic!! It is so important to own our feelings and not always hide behind under the “it’s fine” comment. I need to get the zen as f journal!
Jasmyn Heard
I couldn’t agree more and you should definitely get that journal! I loved mine!
Bree Rittaler
I really appreciate this post. I have such a hard time just bottling my feelings up and even feel guilty for having those feelings! It’s been a struggle recognizing and naming how I’m feeling when others ask me, but I’m working on it!
Jasmyn Heard
You’re right! It is a lot tougher than it is because it requires being vulnerable which does not come easy to many of us! I’m so glad that you enjoyed this post!
Pamela
Such good tips, that we all need!
Jasmyn Heard
Thank you! Glad that you enjoyed these tips!
christine
Such an important message, especially now! Thank you!
Jasmyn Heard
You’re very welcome! Glad that you enjoyed this post!
Jennifer
I love this post! Found myself nodding when you said that we say “ok” when we are not because it’s socially acceptable and creates fluid conversations. But it’s inauthentic. Thanks for reminding me of this. I needed to hear it 💕.
Jasmyn Heard
It’s not your fault! We are all guilty of this! Glad that you enjoyed this post!
Farwa
great article! thank you for sharing
Jasmyn Heard
You’re very welcome! Glad that you enjoyed this post!