What I Learned About Becoming A Mom In My Twenties

One of the biggest things that happened in my twenties outside of moving to a different state and becoming a wife was becoming a mom in my twenties.

As I enter my thirties, I started reflecting on the previous decade of my life and realized that some big changes occurred during that time.

And the biggest change was becoming a mother.

If you all read about me, then you know that I got pregnant in the last year of my Master’s Program and found that I was going to have a baby girl pretty much around the time that I was graduating.

It was a crazy time then, but obviously, I managed and welcomed my baby girl at the age of 26.

Yeap, she came right in the middle of my twenties.

In our twenties, most of us are just trying to figure out what we want to do with our lives, and usually by the end of our twenties, we are making progress toward that goal.

But that progress doesn’t normally happen until after we have hit a couple of speed bumps and roadblocks.

And that’s only if we get over the speed bumps and clear the roadblocks.

Some of us are still trying to figure it out even as we head into our thirties.

So can you imagine adding a baby to that mix?

Yea, trying to figure out your life while also being a parent can be tough, but even with all of this, I don’t regret it one bit.

Becoming a mom is one of the best things that happened to me.

So much so that I had another baby while still in my twenties with my second girl coming when I was 29.

Since I became a mother in my twenties, I have learned a lot about myself and I want to share that with you all in case anyone is wondering what it is like to have a baby in your twenties.

Here is what I learned about becoming a mom in my twenties.

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The Pros And Cons Of Having A Baby In Your 20s

So before I get into what I learned about becoming a mom in my twenties, let’s talk about the pros and cons of having a baby in your 20s.

Should you have a baby in your 20s?

Well, the answer to that will always be up to you.

If you are ready and I mean physically, mentally, and financially ready, then I say go for it.

There are many benefits to having a baby in your 20s such as a higher fertility rate.

According to Parents, most women within this age range have an estimated 25% chance of getting pregnant every month.

Along with the higher fertility rate, having a baby in your twenties also reduces the risk of miscarriage and other complications that occur during pregnancy.

And since you are younger, you can handle pregnancy a lot better physically as opposed to waiting until you’re older.

So having a baby in your 20s isn’t that bad, but just like there are pros to doing it, there are also some cons to having a baby in your 20s.

As I was mentioning above, I got pregnant while still in college which meant that I had not begun my career yet and was not making a lot of money.

This is the reality for a lot 20 something-year-olds.

Especially in the early and mid-20s.

Most of us are just getting started in careers, may or may not be married, and not entirely financially capable of caring for more than just ourselves.

So having a baby during this time is not always ideal.

If it were up to me, I would have loved to have already been in my career, married, and financially ready to care for a kid.

But life has a funny way of throwing a fork in our plans.

Even though it was a bit of a struggle at first, we got to where we wanted and even decided to have a second child because we knew we could handle it.

For the most part, I’m glad that I had my babies in my 20s and would do it all over again if I had to.

Now that I talked about the pros and cons of becoming a mom in your twenties, let’s talk about my experience and what learned.

What I Learned About Becoming A Mom In My Twenties

Your Life Isn’t Over

When I found I was expecting, the first thing that I felt was fear.

Because I knew that having a baby was life changing.

I just knew that I wouldn’t be able to do some of things that I used to do because I have a child now.

I tell people all the time one of things that we all take for granted before having kids is the ability to just get up and go and not have to worry about anybody else.

Well, that definitely changes once you have a kid because you are responsible for them.

Whether it is making sure you have someone to watch them or taking them with you when go somewhere, you have to be accountable for them.

It may feel like your life is over, but it isn’t.

You are essentially starting a new life that includes kids.

Hopefully your friends will still be there on the days that you want to get out of the house.

And if your family is anything like mine, they would love to spend some time with their grandkids and take them off your hands for a little while.

You can still live your life in your twenties while also being a mom.

Embrace Being A Mom

Speaking of being a mom, something else I learned about becoming a mom in my twenties is to embrace being a mom.

There is no use trying to run from it, so you might as well embrace the title.

I know when I became a mom for the first time, it took me a second to realize that I’m really someone’s mom and that I really had baby depending on me.

It was such a surreal feeling.

But the moment they placed my daughter on my chest and we initiated skin-to-skin, there was nothing else in the world that felt more right than to be holding my daughter.

She was mine and I was hers.

And I knew then that I wanted to do everything to ensure that she had everything she needed and wanted to protect her at all costs.

Even though I had never been a mother before, scared, and not sure if I was ready to embark on motherhood, I knew deep down that I was made for this.

It’s Ok If You Don’t Have It Completely Together

As I was saying above, when I became a mom, I was scared and didn’t quite feel ready.

No matter how many books and blogs I read, I just didn’t feel like I was equipped to be a mom.

And not just that, I was just finishing up my Master’s degree and my boyfriend and I were living in a smaller 2 bedroom apartment.

I wanted my boyfriend and I to be married and living in a home before we had kids, but that apparently was not going to be case.

Did I feel some kind of way about it at first?

Sure.

But 3 years and another kid later, my husband and I tied the knot and bought our first home to support our growing family.

So even though we didn’t have it completely together when our first daughter arrived, we got there eventually.

We figured it out while having a kid and if you feel the same way, you will too.

Keep Dreaming And Setting Goals

While I’m on the topic of figuring out, something else I had to figure out was how to be a stay at home mom.

I did not plan on being a stay at home mom.

My plan was to be in my career seeing clients as a marriage and family counselor.

But my career got put on hold once I became a stay at home mom to my first baby girl because at the time, it was cheaper for me to stay home than to put her in a day care.

That transition was very hard for me and I dealt with stay at home mom depression.

I fell into that rabbit hole of feeling unfulfilled as a stay at home mom and lacking purpose in my life.

I literally felt like all I had become was a mom.

But I knew that I am more than just a mom, because before I was a mom, I had dreams and aspirations.

And I knew that I had to get back to that person.

So I picked up this hobby of blogging a little less than 2 years ago as a therapeutic way to get my thoughts out while helping other moms who were struggling mentally with motherhood.

And now this hobby has turned into something much bigger and I’m hoping to expand on it further.

My goal of becoming a therapist might be on hold on for now, but that doesn’t mean that I cant put what I learned to use and create new goals while I’m home with my girls.

Who knows?

Maybe this is what I was supposed to be doing all along and I needed my education and my experience to get me to this point.

All I know is if I stayed in that dark place that I was at, I was only going to wind up even more miserable and resentful.

And I deserve to be happy and living intentionally.

So to get there, I had to keep dreaming, setting new goals for myself, and aspiring for better.

Take The Help

And the last thing I learned about becoming a mom in my twenties was to take the help when offered.

As someone who is used to taking care of things on her own, I struggled with accepting help when people offered.

I thought that it would make me look like a bad mom who doesn’t know what to do and I would instantly feel all of the mom guilt.

There are so many moms who think that it makes them look stronger by trying take on everything on their own, but in the end, it just leaves them exhausted and burnout.

It takes more courage to ask for and receive help than not to.

Stop saying you’re when you are clearly not.

I learned that the hard way as I feel deeper in postpartum depression in the first year of my oldest daughter’s life.

The moment I started telling people how I felt and got some help is when I finally pulled myself out that hole.

So if someone is offering to help you with the baby, then take the help.

Your Turn

Well, that is everything I learned about becoming a mom in my twenties. I want to hear from you all now. What did you all learn about yourself being a mom in your twenties? Let me know in the comments and while you are still here, check out my previous post below. Until next time!

• Read More: Feeding Schedule For My 7-Month-Old Baby

Love,

Just Jass