Myths About Black Stay At Home Moms

Pin26

26 Shares

You all would be surprised by some of the myths about black stay-at-home moms that I have heard.

For those that don’t know, I am a stay-at-home mom and I am also a black woman.

So that makes me a black stay-at-home mom.

Read More: What To Expect As A Black Stay-At-Home Mom

You may be wondering why the emphasis on being a “black” stay-at-home mom.

Well in my experience, I don’t run across many black stay-at-home moms.

It’s dang near unheard of in my own family because most of the women in my family worked while raising kids.

So you can probably imagine the confused and puzzled expressions I may have received when I told my family I would not be returning to work for a little while to raise my only daughter at the time.

If you read about me, then you know that I had no intentions of being a stay-at-home mom.

I did not plan on being a stay-at-home mom.

It just kind of happened.

What was supposed to have been maybe a year has now turned into 4.

And we added another daughter during this time so I have been in the stay-at-home mom gang for over 4 years now.

This means I have heard quite a bit about what people think about stay-at-home moms

They are many myths about stay-at-home moms in general and some of the ones that I will share below can apply to any stay-at-home mom regardless of race.

But since I’m a black stay-at-home mom, I want to share my perspective and share what I have heard in order to debunk some of these myths.

Here I will be sharing 7 myths about black stay-at-home moms.

*This post contains affiliate links. I may receive a commission for purchases made through links in this post. Please check out our Disclaimer Policy for more details.

Why Do Black Stay At Home Moms Get So Much Hate?

Before I dive into some myths that I have heard about black stay-at-home moms, let’s talk about this.

Why do black stay-at-home moms get so much hate?

I could be wrong, but that is what it feels like.

I feel like when another race becomes a stay-at-home mom, no one really bats an eye about it.

In fact, it might be encouraged or even expected.

Many families of other races understand the responsibility and work that comes with raising children so in order to relieve some of that pressure off of moms, they try to make it easier by allowing moms just to be moms.

Which includes the option of remaining home with the kids and not be responsible for bringing an income into their household.

Now I completely get that this mindset sounds very old-fashioned.

And I also understand that in this day and age, many households require two incomes to sustain.

But there are also many families who are doing this today and who are very content doing so.

In my own experience, I haven’t had to work since my children were born so I have no idea how I would balance working while also trying to be present with them.

I feel like it would either be one or the other.

Either I work and place my children in daycare whom I only would see in the evenings or on my days off.

Or I take the opportunity to stay home with them and nurture them in their younger years until they are of school age.

When you put this into perspective this way, the more obvious decision would be to stay home with your children in their younger years.

Which is often what many families of other races do.

Yet when given the choice to be a stay-at-home mom, more black women will turn it down.

And I feel like it has to do with what our culture thinks of a black woman being a stay-at-home mom.

If I receive any hate for being a black stay-at-home mom, it is more likely to come from another black woman.

The concept of a black woman remaining home to raise her kids can sound foreign for some black women.

For some, the idea of another black woman being a stay-at-home mom can envy invoke feelings of pity, judgment, and even envy within themselves.

Which they then project onto these moms.

This leads me to the myths about black stay-at-home moms that I hear.

Now that we have an idea of why black stay-at-home moms may receive hate, let’s get into the myths.

Myths About Black Stay-At-Home Moms

We Are Lazy

The very first myth about black stay-at-home moms that I have to address is that we are lazy.

And this is not just a black stay-at-home mom myth.

This is a myth about stay-at-home moms in general.

But as a black woman, this idea that black stay-at-home moms are lazy comes from the thought process that if you are not making money, then you are lazy.

If you are not contributing financially to your household, then what are you doing?

I can admit that I felt this way early on in my stay-at-home mom journey.

When I stopped working, I felt like my value went down.

This might sound silly, but that is my truth.

I felt like if I didn’t have a job, then that just left me to be just a mom.

And I wasn’t raised to be just a mom.

Is being just a mom even considered work?

Does this mean that I’m being lazy?

Well, as I found out shortly after becoming a stay-at-home mom, being home with a child is definitely work.

It’s dang near impossible to be lazy when you are a stay-at-home mom, because every time you try to sit down, they are needing something.

Whether you have a 2-month-old newborn eating every 2 to 3 hours, a 1-year-old walking around getting into everything, 2-year-old throwing tantrums, or even a 3-year-old that never stops talking.

They are always needing something and you being the primary caretaker at home have to care for their needs.

So this idea that stay-at-home moms get to just sit around all day and do nothing is a complete lie.

As much as we want to be lazy some days, it doesn’t happen.

We Shouldn’t Be Stay-At-Home Moms

Another myth that I have heard is that black women should not be stay-at-home moms.

As I mentioned above, black women being stay-at-home moms can sound foreign at times.

In fact, it is sometimes something that is looked down upon.

Our ancestors worked so hard to give us all the opportunities that we are presented with today.

And then some women choose to throw it all away by staying home and remaining dependent on a man.

This is how a lot of black women feel when they think about another black woman being a stay-at-home mom.

I understand why many may feel this way.

But I can guarantee you that some of our own ancestors wished they didn’t have to work as hard as they did in order to care for their children.

So if you have the opportunity, take the opportunity.

I understand that being a stay-at-home mom is not for everyone and if you have the opportunity, you can find that out for yourself.

At least then, you will know if that is something that you want and not allow outside opinions affect your decision to do so.

We Are Being Controlled By Our Husbands

Since I said that many black women feel that black women shouldn’t remain at home, another myth that falls in line with that one is that we are dependent on our partners.

Or even worse, we are being controlled by them.

As if whatever they say goes because they make the money and keep a roof over all heads.

First of all, this would not fly with me.

Secondly, if you are in a situation like this, then being a stay-at-home would not work.

Part of raising children is being able to provide the resources that they will need in order to thrive.

Those resources require money so you would need access to household funds.

In many households in which one person is the stay-at-home parent, that person does access.

That is the only way that it would work and that is exactly how it works in our household.

It also how it works in many households today where moms are home with the kids.

There is no way I would have signed up to be a stay-at-home mom if I knew that I was going to have to beg and plead with my husband for money.

We Are “Gold Diggers”

While on the topic of asking our husbands for money, another myth that is thrown around is that we are “gold diggers”

We are leeches that mooch off of wealthy, hard-working husbands.

In fact, money might be the main reason we are with our husbands in the first place.

This is one of the craziest myths that I have heard but there are people who feel this way about stay-at-home moms in general.

From my personal experience, my husband is by no means loaded or rich.

He does well enough to be able to provide for our family which then gives me the opportunity to be able to stay home.

My husband and I have been together for nearly a decade.

We go all the way back to our college days when we were just two broke college students trying to figure out what we wanted to do with our lives

So it’s not money that drew me to him and it’s not money that keeps me around to this day.

Maybe there are women out there who only stick around for what their man can provide for them.

But this mama is not one of them and I can assure you that there are plenty of others that feel the same way that I do.

We Are Broke

On the other end of the money spectrum is this idea that since we don’t bring in an income we are broke.

As already stated above, we should have access to household funds since our job virtually became caring for the kids.

So we are never broke.

But once again, many black women feel like since you aren’t earning an actual income from a job, then you must be broke.

I can also admit that I wondered how I would maintain what I had since I did not directly have an income.

And I actually figured out different ways to make money here and there.

The most obvious thing I have done is start this blog which brings in a little bit of money.

I have also sold things on eBay and Facebook Marketplace to make a little more money.

Some moms even get part-time work-from-home jobs that give them something to do as well as bring in some money.

So there are definitely ways to make money as a stay-at-home mom and avoid the “broke” feeling that accompanies many stay-at-home moms.

We Are Uneducated

Next up is the idea that we are uneducated.

Since we choose to remain home, it must be because we didn’t have the chance to pursue further education.

All we were able to accomplish educationally is a high school education so even if we wanted to get a job, it would be hard to do.

My story alone could debunk this myth.

Not only did I pursue further education after high school.

I graduated with a Bachelor’s Degree in Psychology and a Master’s Degree in Marriage and Family Therapy.

So I’m far from uneducated.

In fact, many of the stay-at-home moms that I talk to are a lot like me with several degrees and educational accolades.

This means that many of these women are choosing to remain at home instead of pursuing their careers.

Could I put my children in daycare and pursue a career using my degrees?

Yes, I could.

But I also had the option to remain home to raise our girls.

So that is what I did and continue to do.

My educational background is not going anywhere and hopefully, once my kids are in school, I will be able to get back into my field.

We Are “Just” Moms

And the last myth that I hear about black stay-at-home moms is that we are “just” moms.

As I keep saying over and over again, some black women can’t comprehend other black women solely being caretakers.

The only way for a black woman to be deemed as someone valuable is to be working a job that pays a lot of money.

And if we are not providing value financially, then we must just be moms.

Well, I hate to break it to some women, but we are not just moms.

We are so much more.

Not only do we juggle the many hats that we wear at home, but many of us are pursuing the passions that give us so much more meaning.

Some moms pursue further education.

Other moms start businesses.

Some of these endeavors that we pursue might not have happened had we not been given the opportunity to remain home.

I don’t think this blog would have happened if I had been working.

So be mindful when you think that stay-at-home moms are just moms.

Because many of us know that we are much more than that.

Read More: You Are More Than Just a Mom

Your Turn

Well, those are some of the myths that I have heard about black stay-at-home moms. As I said earlier, this is just my experience as a black stay-at-home mom and I’m positive that many of the myths I said above can also apply to other races. But I want to hear from you all now. What are some myths that you have heard about stay-at-home moms? I would to love hear from you in the comments and while you are still here, check out my previous post below. Until next time!